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WCW Divas in Stuff Magazine Interview
By Nick C
With the help of my friend, king of Ebay, and fellow pervert, Stronger Than Dirt Colin Lubinski, we've typed up a transcript of what is, perhaps, the best interview I've ever read. It comes from an issue of Stuff Magazine. My comments are in bold. Oh, this Dawn is some sex expert or something, I don't know.
Dawn: Do you ever fantasize about doing it in the ring?
Stacy (aka Ms. Hancock): Of course I've thought about it. But unfortunately, I've never carried through with it. Then again, I'm only 20 - I haven't reached my sexual peak yet.
Chae: Maybe me and my man having sex on the canvas could be the main event for the next pay-per-view show - you know, with two handheld cameras circling us. That's a nice fantasy. But if I ever did get down and dirty in the ring for real, I'd put some satin sheets on it first. This would sound hot only if I didn't know that she's banging Kevin Nash.
Torrie: I've thought about it, too, but not with 20,000 people watching. Just doing my thing at a Nitro event is definitely a turn-on - until some drunk guy starts yelling, "Show us your tits!" That totally kills my mood. He he he, she's talking about me.
Kimberly: Have you seen that mat? It's gross. Any hot action on there and you'd probably get an infection. But I'II tell you a secret. There's a common fantasy that I've actually fulfilled: I did it in an airplane bathroom with my husband (Diamond Dallas Page). And I have a warning for all potential mile-high clubbers out there: Stewardesses can set off smoke detectors at will. We were in there for a few minutes, and the alarm went crazy. Then there was loud knocking at the door and, "Excuse me. Let me in - you're not allowed to smoke in there." We fumbled to get our clothes back on, and he yelled, "Just one second!" Finally, we both stepped out, and I said, "OK, you can go in now. And no, we haven't been smoking. Again, this would sound hot if she wasn't banging/married to DDP.
Dawn: What puts you in the mood for love?
Torrie: When I work out, I swear to God, I cannot keep my hands off of my boyfriend. I'm like, "I want to rip your clothes off. Are you going to take me somewhere or what? C'mon. I'm going to get a lifetime pass to Gold's Gym.
Chae: Yeah, after exercising, your heartbeat is racing, you're sweaty and you've been watching men flex and lift heavy things. And I love that musky scent guys get after they've worked out. It's so sexy. I smell it and feel like screaming, "All right, just take me! Now!" Out of the gym, pornos are good for jump-starting my mood sometimes. There's nothing wrong with watching them with your guy. Kevin Nash....... (shutters)
Stacy: A lot of girls are closet porn lovers. How can you not be turned on, even by the sounds of the moans and groans alone? It's just normal. Smart, sexy, and like porn, this truly is my dream girl, damn!
Chae: I don't mind going to strip clubs with a guy - it can be hot and fun. The naked female body is a beautiful thing, and there's something very sexy about seeing a woman move sensually to music. This is hot, because she said "a guy" and not her boyfriend, Kevin Nash. (Shutters)
Stacy: Exactly, and it doesn't mean that I'm bisexual or a lesbian. It doesn't even bother me if my boyfriend gets a lap dance if I'm there. I'm secure with myself, so what's the big deal? Hmmmmm, Stacy Keibler a bisexual?! Some people (story writers, are you listening?) might have just gotten a few ideas.
Torrie: I once got a dance from a girl, and she was rubbing makeup all over my face with her boobs - it smeared everywhere! I felt a little silly, but everyone else seemed to love it. Fake boobs on a fake face, how can you not love that?
Dawn: Are you particularly attracted to big, muscular types?
Kimberly: I'm not a small girl, so I tend to like tall, big men - over 6'4". I love when a great, big guy gives me an enormous bear hug and covers me up with his muscles. They have to be really big to do that to me. She likes bigger guys with lots of muscles, yet she's married to that fat midget DDP. Hmmmmmm, I think she's been out in the sun too long.
Chae: Yeah. It's no surprise that we're all dating wrestlers now. Personally, I love being manhandled--feeling vulnerable and just getting flopped around like a piece of fish. What the hell? Do I say something about her desire to be raped, or do I make a wisecrack about the cleanlyness of her vaginal area.
Stacy: I don't like guys who look like they're going to bust out of their shirts like the Incredible Hulk. I don't want them too big - you can't get your arms around them. Awwwwwww, isn't that sweet? Yeah, your right, it's not.
Dawn: I'm sure you get hit on all the time. What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?
Stacy: "How long does it take you to shave those legs? If you need any help, call me." Ugh. But you know what's sweet? When a guy says, "l'm not trying to hit on you, but I think you're beautiful," and walks away. Then I'm curious and am like, "Why is he leaving? Wait - come back!" Hmmmm, that may work on her, but most times if you say that to a girl, you'll get a rum and coke in your lap.
Kimberly: My all-time worst was when a guy walked up to me at the beach and said, "Can I be your oil boy?" I don't even think he dreamed I might say yes - he was just putting on a show for his buddies. So sad. Cool, she's talking about me again!
Chae: If I can sense the guy wanting my number even before he asks for it, it's too late. It's the tease and no-cheese factor that turns me on. Golden rule: Always leave a girl smiling and wanting more. This, coming from the same person that uses the word "fish" when she's talking about herself?
Dawn: You ladies are superfit. Tell me the most athletic sexual position you've ever twisted your body into.
Kimberly: I've done just about everything in every way you can think of, in any place you can think of - like on top of the car behind a supermarket. And that session in the airplane bathroom took same acrobatic maneuvering. But I've been doing a lot of yoga lately, and I'II tell you... whoa. I practice it with my husband, and we both get into this really cool, focused mental place - and these insane positions - then somehow, just sort of switch into that Kama Sutra thing in the bedroom. On top of a car behind a supermarket?! Damn, must be a strong roof to support DDP's lardass.
Stacy: I don't think I've ever gone into a situation and said, "OK, put your leg here, and I'II put my leg there. And hold on - let me consult the book again." That would ruin the flow. But if we somehow just end up in a crazy, contorted shape and it's working, who am I to complain? Just think, David Flair got some of that, so there is hope for regular guys like you and me. However, I don't have the pick up line of "My dad is Ric Flair, his boobs are as big as yours"
Torrie: I like to have sex standing up, but it's hard. I think it's only manageable if the guy is standing and the girl has her feet on the bed or something for support. Even big, muscle-bound dudes find it hard to actually stay, um, up all the way to the final whistle. Does this even need a comment? How about "&g*7o^a8sgshhsgsgfggsgsgshs!"
Chae: I don't care about freaky positions. I'm all about marathon sex - all night long till the sun rises. Now that's a freakin' workout! Once, during a particularly intense allnighter, I was crawling to the window to turn up the A/C, and I felt this big ol' paw come up from behind me and pull me back to bed. I felt like a little zebra - you know, minding my own business, and then the next thing I knew, whoosh! He grabbed me, and we were at it again. I promise, that was the ONLY time Kevin Nash worked hard. EVER.
Dawn: Apart from a 12-hour hot rod, what makes a guy a great lover?
Stacy: The biggest thing is that they care about what I want in bed. They should also be excited about trying different stuff or changing their techniques, especially when a girl gives them pointers. Don't think, "Oh, I know how to do it already." If a girl gives you advice on sex, take it. You should be glad that some hot woman is willing to hone your in-the-sack skills in the first place! Ok Ok, is it just me, or does Stacy Keibler just rule?
Torrie: I totally agree. Once I dated a guy who didn't care whether I came or not. When he was done, he was done. And my feeling is: Make me come first! I didn't stick around with this guy long enough to try and correct the problem; I just moved on. What kind of an assgoblin did she date? It's Torrie FN Wilson! I'd give both my legs, a thumb, my left nut, and my right eye, PLUS I'd do a five star frog splash off of the Sears Tower for 10 minutes in bed with her!
Chae: One guy I dated would take my hand and just slap it on his thing whenever he was in the mood. I was like, "Uh, OK--am I supposed to be aroused now?" But my current boyfriend pays so much attention to my body and occasionally takes me off-guard with something new. Most recently, he's been lightly blowing during oral sex. It's hot one second and cold the next. Let me tell you, it's absolutely amazing! Kevin Nash, damn that man! He stole my move!!
Dawn: For the sake of womankind, is there one move that you wish you could teach the million guys out there who are buying Stuff?
Kimberly: When I have to go on a trip, my husband hides Post-it notes with funny messages in my things-like in my shoe and on the lining of my bra. They put a big smile on my face. I wonder what they say. Maybe he just writes something like "Let's BANG"
Stacy: One time, my boyfriend said, "You have something in your eye, and then leaned in and kissed my eyelid. It was incredibly sweet. Unfortunately, I was such a spat that I started rubbing my eye and saying, "Where is it? Is it out?" Gee, I wonder what time of the month that was.
Torrie: I love when I'm woken up by kisses in the middle of the night and I feel like I'm in a dream. And then, I'm like, Whoa - this is real! Oh, and you know what a guy did to me once? We were about to go out, but we started having sex--and then all of a sudden, he just stopped and said, "OK, let's go." it was amazing. The whole night, all I was thinking about was how much I wanted him. That's a good tactic...but only once in a while, guys. God, if I did that with my girlfriend, I'd end up with a few less teeth and most likely a concussion.
Chae: All right. My tip is to get in the bathtub together. I think of the tub as the pot and my man as what I'm cooking. I pour beer all over myself and let him go at it. You know how women like to lick whipped cream and chocolate off guys? Well, guys prefer to lick guy stuff--like beer. The beer's cold, but the water's hot, and it's great. And you're in the bathtub, so it's all clean in the end! You have gotta try that. Maaaaaaaaan, Scott Hall must take a few shots at Chae.
Well, that's the interview, I thought that was quite interesting, and I'll never look at Torrie Wilson the same way again. God only knows what her and Tajiri do on top of that desk........ (End Kayfabe)